The first one appeared at half past ten on the night of the funeral. The second appeared four days later. She was added to both, by two different people, without being asked either time.
They have names now. One is called Family, and one is called Family Updates, and the difference between them is not a word of it.
She reads both. She cannot stop reading both. Every day she gets two versions of the same week and they do not match, and the mismatch is not in the facts, it is in the tone underneath the facts, which is where a family keeps everything that matters.
Nobody has ever said to her, you have to choose. What happens instead is smaller and worse. Somebody says something in one chat and there is a pause, and the pause is for her, because she is the one whose reaction would count for something.
She has not typed a sentence in either of them in six weeks. She has read every single message in both.
And here is what she has never said to anybody: she does not know what she would even type, because there is no sentence in the English language that lands well in both of those rooms, and she has looked.
Nobody asked you and that is the whole problem
Let me name the actual mechanism before anything else, because nobody in either of those rooms is going to name it.
You were placed. Twice. By two people who were not being cruel, who each simply assumed you were theirs, and who each wanted the comfort of your presence on their side of a line that had just been drawn.
That is not a choice you made. It is a situation you were installed into, and there is a real difference between the two, and you have been treating this as though you had done something wrong by being in both.
You are not two faced for being in two rooms, and you did not put yourself in either of them. That is not a kind reading of you. Psalm 139:5 says He has beset you behind and before and laid His hand upon you, which is language for being held rather than for being caught, and the Holy Spirit is the one carrying that into a kitchen where two phones are face down on a table.
And James says something to people who genuinely do not know what to do, and he says it without a single condition about deserving it.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.James 1:5
Upbraideth not. He does not scold you for needing to ask. That clause is in there because everybody who needs wisdom is afraid the asking will be held against them, and God went out of His way to say it will not be.
You are allowed not to know what to do here. That is the whole point of the verse.
Reading is not the same as taking part
You have not typed in six weeks and you feel like a fraud for it. Here is the thing worth seeing: you are not participating in either side. You are witnessing both, and witnessing is exhausting in a way that participating is not, because you carry the weight without any of the release.
Nobody is asking you to leave a chat. Leaving a chat is a statement and this article does not hand out statements.
You are free to be present in both rooms without belonging to the argument in either, and those two things were never the same membership. Proverbs 17:9 says that covering a matter seeks love while repeating it separates friends, and the Holy Spirit is at work in every person in both of those chats without one word from you being the hinge.
Where your part ends
Say this plainly, not gently. Being in the middle is never the same as walking into harm, and nothing here asks anybody to stay anywhere unsafe. If what is happening in either of those rooms is not merely painful but harmful to you, leave it, mute it, block it, and let nothing on this page be used against you for doing so. Get yourself safe, tell one real person who can actually do something, and hold this: being safe is not a failure of peace.
Thou art my hiding place and my shield: I hope in thy word.Psalm 119:114
Hiding place and shield. One of those is somewhere you go, and the other is something held in front of you. You are covered on both counts already, and the covering does not require you to have found the right sentence. Psalm 119:114 puts both the shelter and the shield in God rather than in your handling of a group chat, and the Holy Spirit is the one who makes a woman able to put a phone down.
The chats were never the enemy. They are two groups of people who love each other badly and cannot currently do it in one place, and they are still talking, which is more than some families manage.
What is costing you is not the reading. It is the belief that you owe both rooms a reaction, and that your silence is a debt accruing.
> Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. > Proverbs 4:7
Get it. That is an instruction, not a talent scout's assessment. And James already said where it comes from and on what terms. You are already holding the promise of wisdom on request, and it does not come with a mark out of ten on how you have handled six weeks. Proverbs 4:7 makes wisdom something obtained rather than something possessed by the naturally clever, and the Holy Spirit is the one who gives it in a kitchen, at the moment it is needed and not before.
Nothing here tells you to leave a chat. Nothing here tells you to type. Nothing here requires a conversation with one person in that family. What is coming back to you is smaller and much heavier than a resolution: the right to know that you were placed rather than choosing, and to stop paying interest on a debt nobody issued.
Declare this over yourself
Say these out loud, standing where you are. Not in your head. You are in Christ and Christ is in you, so the authority to say what is true about your own standing was given to you, and no group chat can hand it over or take it back. Scripture is the ground under every word, and the Holy Spirit is what makes it living rather than loud.
Jesus set the measure at a seed, and He did not put it that low to shame anybody with how little she was holding. He put it there because no mountain ever moved on the size of the faith. It moved because somebody opened her mouth at it. So speak, and leave the outcome with Him, because whatever He does with both of those rooms is His and always was.
- Two rooms I never asked to be in, you do not get to tell me who I am. James 1:5 says wisdom is given to anybody who asks and that God does not scold the asking, and I am asking rather than guessing. In the name of Jesus I am done owing either of you a reaction.
- Fear that my silence is a betrayal, you have no authority over my morning. The Holy Spirit is at work in every person in both of those chats, and Proverbs 17:9 says a matter covered seeks love while a matter repeated splits people. I am in this family as myself today, and I am not the referee.
- Lord, You were at that funeral and You have been in both rooms since the night of it. I thank You, because Your word says You have beset me behind and before and laid Your hand on me, and You have never once held my not knowing against me. Whatever You do with the whole of that family is Yours, and this morning is mine, and both phones are face down.
James 1:5
This message is free, and always will be. There is nothing to unlock, nothing to subscribe to, and nothing you owe for having received it.